My Predictions For 2026
On January 15, 2026, the Metropolitan Police announce they have narrowed down the list of suspects for the failed New Year’s Day assassination attempt on Keir Starmer to 3 million people.
On February 25, Donald Trump announces he has found a cure for tooth decay. The following day he is pilloried by the mainstream media for putting dentists out of work.
On March 7, Hillary Clinton is finally indicted for starting the Russian collusion hoax. Republicans cannot hide their glee when she is perp walked and her mugshot released.
On April 21, the Centenary of Queen Elizabeth II is celebrated throughout the Commonwealth, except by Republic, who burn her in effigy. Monarchists respond by burning Norman Baker in effigy.
On May 14, former Israelis in New York celebrate Independence Day with a firework display in Central Park. Anti-Israeli activists celebrate it with an arson attack on their synagogue, which fortunately is thwarted when residents report suspicious cries of “Allahu Akbar” emanating from a coach parked outside it.
On June 14, Donald Trump celebrates his eightieth birthday at the White House by pardoning eighty prisoners convicted of non-violent drug offences and deporting eighty Somalis including Ilhan Omar back to Somalia.
On July 4, America celebrates its 250th birthday. Residents of Keystone, South Dakota are ecstatic when the President gives each of them a cheque for $250 out of his own pocket, but less than ecstatic when the White House announces his face is to be added to Mount Rushmore.
On August 15, a conference on global warming to be held in Cyprus is cancelled when a freak snow storm closes down Larnaka Airport for ten days.
On September 15, the last public house in Yorkshire closes due to three massive increases in taxation on spirits. The following month, it is converted into a mosque.
On October 31, GB News announces the result of its Halloween Witch Of The Decade poll; it is a three-way tie between Jess Phillips, Meghan Markle and Rachel Reeves.
On November 5, three hundred people wearing Guy Fawkes masks attempt to invade the Houses Of Parliament; they are repelled not with tear gas but with laughing gas. The following day, the mainstream media reports it as a mere publicity stunt in spite of over fifty people being arrested.
On December 10, Prince Harry wins his long-running defamation action against the publisher of the Daily Mail. He is awarded half a million pounds in damages but ordered to pay 80% of the Defendant’s estimated 15 million pounds costs for several major breaches of the civil procedure rules.
Marvelous predictions!